Wikipedia Draft:Lindsay Wincherauk

Lindsay (no middle name) (1) Wincherauk (win – cher – auk), born July 16, 1960) (2) is a Canadian, humorist, author, ex-athlete, friend, thought-provoker, photographer, opinion editorialist; + ex-hair-model.(3)

Lindsay is a National Champion, hall of fame inducted quarterback who holds the record for the longest touchdown pass in Canadian Junior Football League History.(3) Amazingly, Lindsay is blind in his left eye.(4)

Much of Wincherauk’s humor is rollickingly autobiographical and tear-inducingly self-deprecating often torn from his daily observations of his long-gone family life to what it’s like navigating life as an outsider. His writing digs deeply into the search of an identity that was shaded in debilitating isolation of discovering everything in his family life had been a lie.

Lindsay’s stories and opinion pieces run a gamut of subject matter ranging from family life to addiction to politics to sexuality to mental health tripping often into the absurdities of living.

His stories follow him from the flatlands of Saskatchewan to beauty of Vancouver to the beaches of Jamaica and the search for self during a 31-Day trip to Europe with his friend David just as Wincherauk’s life had been tossed into life’s blender set to puree.

6.0 Footnotes

 * 1) Lindsay wasn’t given a middle name. In fact, his birth wasn’t officially registered until 1967. Lindsay was told he wasn’t given a middle name because his family couldn’t afford the extra letters – it was either a middle name for Lindsay or indoor plumbing.
 * 2) Lindsay was born at Beulah House in Edmonton, Alberta on July 16, 1960. Beulah house was a religiously sanctioned institution where unfit mothers were sent to give birth and then have their child ripped out of their arms and sold to American families or adopted out to farm families.
 * 3) One evening in the 1990s, Lindsay was asked to be a hair model for an audience of 400 hairdressers at The Big Bamboo Nightclub in Vancouver. Lindsay and some of the other models performed a routine to Mad Magazines Spy versus Spy, coming out into a dry-ice-smoke-filled-room, prancing in a  sexual manner (ala Mick Jagger) across the stage. The event was a huge hit. Lindsay brought a date, a female RCMP officer. After the performance Lindsay met a legendary Montreal Canadian Hockey coach who was engaged with a women (not his wife) in the dimly lit club. At the end of the evening, Lindsay’s knee gave out, a bouncer forced him out. Fortunately, or more likely unfortunately, his date beat up the bouncer. They never went on a second date.
 * 4) Lindsay threw a 108-yard touchdown strike to speedy Gord Bolstad on September 24, 1979. To celebrate that night Lindsay + Gord + another teammate hit the streets of downtown Edmonton where they may or may not helped themselves to snacks at a 711 and then borrowed the flagsticks from on of the cities poshest golf courses. Maybe. Did the pass change Lindsay’s and Gord’s life paths? We’ll never know. Does the record still stand today? The last time Lindsay googled it was 2016 – so, probably?
 * 5) What makes the pass even more astonishing is Lindsay is blind in his left eye. A rarity for quarterbacks. To avoid his blindness being discovered by coaches, Lindsay memorized the eye chart before physicals. EFP TOZ LMNOP
 * 6) Lindsay’s birth parents were Rebekah and Nicholas. Rebekah was 46 and Nicholas 56 at the time of his birth. Lindsay had three older sisters, Bernice (23 years older), Sadie (22), Beverly (18); and three older brothers, James (16), Donald (12), and Brian (4 years older). In 1985, Lindsay watched Nicholas succumb to cancer the day after his twenty-fifth birthday. In 1987, Lindsay watched cancer take his mother away. The family splintered apart. In 2003, Lindsay discovered the parents he watched die were not his birth parents. He went from youngest of seven to an only child. He then discovered his birth father had two sons. Lindsay was now the youngest of three. Lindsay then discovered his birth mother, Bernice, gave a daughter away three years after Lindsay’s birth. Lindsay became one of four. In November 2006, he met his birth father, Elmer. They did DNA tests. One week after the tests Lindsay called Elmer to inform him, he wasn’t his father and Bernice lied on the birth record. Lindsay figuratively watched his father die a second time. With the symbolic death of his father, at the time of this writing, Lindsay is the oldest of two with a sister somewhere he doesn’t know. Lindsay’s longest-termed-relationship girlfriend is three years younger than Lindsay, and she was adopted, it couldn’t be?